The Daily Life and Lies of a Christian
by The All Knowing God of Hats
Summary: Title speaks for itself, middle school christian girl, who is a Jesus loving freak and doesn't think of anything else. Oneshot Some bad language I think I used the Fword once or twice it's a bash on christian bashing


**Disclaimer: **Oh wait, I don't need a disclaimer, this piece is original and if you steal it I'll cut your' fucking head off. On with the show!

Here it is, and I welcome you to it…**The Daily Life and Lies of a Christian! **(And no, three exclamation points aren't necessary.)

I woke up. "THANK GOD!" I yelled, "I WOKE UP!" I crossed myself quickly so that I wouldn't go to Hell or something. (A/N When someone crosses themselves I think it makes it look like they belong in the Special Olympics or something, this isn't the case in this story.)

I was careful as I sat up in my bed, I don't know why I was careful I just was. I turned my alarm off and went downstairs, when I reached the first floor I stopped and crossed myself again. I had made it down without falling and killing myself. It was early on a Friday morning, foggy as it always is on Rhode Island in the morning. I began to kneel and pray for the weather to clear up. This worked almost everyday in the spring and summer. (A/N For all of those who aren't familiar with the area, or are familiar with the area but don't look outside in the morning, it's always foggy in the morning, but clears up by 8 o'clock or so, unless it downpours.) I took a shower after praying a few minutes. In the shower I though of God and Jesus and how they always watched me. (A/N Yeah, I think it's creepy too.) I got out of the shower and got dressed. I was running late and hoped I wouldn't miss my bus. I prayed for a moment that I wouldn't miss it. I took my bag and my wallet and headed out the door, as I left I crossed myself (A/N Yes, again) and continued off to my bus stop, where the bus was just leaving. _I need more time in the morning._ I thought to myself, then I prayed my mom could get me to school on time.

I just made the bell and headed to first period, Math. No problem, I'm good at math, during class I prayed for my entire eighth grade class, sinners. Cursing and kissing and touching each other, and watching generally in appropriate rap music video on their PSPs which they shouldn't have anyways.

Now for Science, I loathe our science teacher. Stupid atheist, who is about 30, not married, but I've seen him with about twenty different women this month. I pray for him, though I know he's going to Hell. He teaches us about "cells" and "evolution" and "possibilities" for "other life" and tells us it's real. Whenever I try to speak the truth he gives me a detention, but I am a loyal Christian and will not give up, he says to stop, but what God says go. And who trusts Atheists? (A/N this is the point in the story where you start saying "this kid's a retard on stilts." If you haven't already started)

I got into an argument with him today, everyone laughed as I got murdered on this debate, he's not smart, but has wit. He tricks people, like the Devil. It all ended up with I was eating lunch upstairs in his classroom today. (A/N Some teachers do this as an alternative to after-school detentions. Really.)

Third period was art, praise God, which I did several times as my teacher explained the pagan abstract art we'd be doing the next few days (A/N Hey, why not?)

In the hall I got into a fight with a seventh grader, she is also atheist and a kickboxer, I tried to preach the word to her, again, and I got kicked in the mouth. We have after school detentions for the next two weeks. Thank God I wasn't badly injured.

Lunch was Hell. I must have upset God a lot for him to put me in the same room as Mr. Staples (A/N No, I couldn't think of a more creative name!) We ate in silence until the last five minutes when I started praying as I always did.

"Hey, could you stop talking to yourself. It's creepin' me out." He asked

I don't like being interrupted during my prayers. It's like interrupting communications with God, "I wasn't talking to myself." I retorted, "I was talking to God."

"Could you talk to God some other time, it's kind of creepy listening to you mumble to yourself."

"Again, sir, I wasn't talking to myself, it was God."

"It's a figment of your imagination that I'd prefer you not talk to around me."

"No it isn't it says so in the Bible!"

"Have you ever had an imaginary friend?"

"Don't change the subject, besides I didn't need imaginary friends, I have Jesus."

He nodded his head and looked at the clock, "Likely. Get out of here, lunch is close enough to over, go rethink your life."

I did leave, but there was no need to rethink my life, Jesus would guide me and make my life fantastic. (A/N There's really no real reason to put one of these here, but it's been a while so I thought I'd check up on you.)

My next class was English, we were reading the most anti-Bible thing there is, and people enjoyed it! Harry Potter. We were discussing the movies and reading the books it was terrible. And whenever I walked by the boys would shout things that sounded like spells, I'd yell at them, tell them they would go to Hell, and tell them I was praying for them. They just laugh.

During History I paid no attention at all, just prayed. God is the only history book I need.

I skipped gym, again. Every week I skip gym. The teacher's a Jew and I hate her, but only because she hates me. She knows I'll be saved and she won't. (A/N See there's this Gandhi quote that I saw once, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." I know this relates somehow, I mean it did make sense while I was falling asleep last night.)

Detention that afternoon wasn't so bad. I prayed and got closer to God and Jesus. I thought I felt the cross on my neck burning my skin like I was God's tortured daughter, but when I touched it, it was cool again.

I went directly to the church that afternoon. My friends and I talked about missions we planned to go to in the summer and how much closer we are to God this week. We stayed there until after afternoon mass (A/N I KNOW THERE'S NOT USUALLY MASS ON FRIDAYS!) It was so beautiful that I cried right in the middle of mass. God is everywhere.

Later that evening, I went on the computer to rant at those fucking atheists, or 'maltheist' as some are now called. That "All Knowing" God of Hats kid is a total retard, this kid wrote a stupid story about a girl who's a Christian and it totally blows everything Christians do daily out of proportion. I'll pray for this so called "god of hats" maybe God will spare this sole (A/N Tristan! Get away from the computer! You're more retarded than I am so shut up!)

I pray for others who defy and deny God's word, and for the defenders of God. I looked up at the clock, it was 11:34. I need to get to bed.

_Godwillsaveme.Jesusismyfirend.Iwillnotsin.Iamsin.Iamworthless.Godisall,noquestionsasked.Mysoulissafe.Jesussavesme,sonofgod.John3:16.JesusjesusjesusjesusHolysavior4evr._

Pretty boss, huh? The ending sequence is what goes through her subconscious mind as she sleeps.

Please review, I hoped you enjoyed it and if you didn't, well, I flame I guess.


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